Knowing God's Will: How do we find God's will for our lives, work, and relationships?

How can I know God's will?This question is one that most lovers of God wrestle with intensely throughout their lives. Most lovers of God would say, “If I only knew what God’s will really was—I would do it!” No one really wants to NOT do God’s will. There really is a more foundational issue at stake here. It is this—how does a person come to know God’s will?Knowing God’s will is the journey of discernment. We want to discern—we want to see more clearly. We want to see with a a greater light and know with a great sense of certainty that the path, we are going to choose to walk, is the one God wants me to walk.This simple, brief, yet eloquent prayer attributed to SAINT RICHARD, BISHOP OF CHICHESTER, written in the 13^th century expresses our need to clearly: 

Dear Lord of Thee, three things I pray,

To see Thee more clearly,

Love Thee more dearly,

follow Thee more nearly,

Day by Day.

To See Thee More Clearly....isn't this what we want. To see...to know...to love doing what is right? To Know is to ListenKnowing God’s will implies obedience. We will obey if we know. The word in English for “obedience” is rooted in the Latin word "oboedire", which means “to hear.” Obedience is about first listening; then knowing; then responding. First, we listen.Knowing what decision we need to make about something in the future is our invitation to listen. If we act or decide before we listen, we may regret what we have decided because perhaps we did not first hear—we did not listen.We live in a noisy world and what’s more, there’s even more noise inside our own heads and hearts. There are many voices shouting at us ‘to do this’ or ‘to do that.’ We have an inner sense of “should” whispering to us most of the times about whatever it is that we are facing:“I should return that call.”“I should return that email.“I should go to that meeting.”“ I should rest.”“I should call in sick.” Our Minds are Full of Clutter. But do all the “shoulds” we hear, define the right action step for us? Our minds are filled with so much clutter…that we simply cannot hear until we rid our minds and hearts of the clutter.Listening requires a clearing of the mind. We can’t hear or take in something else when our minds are too crowded. A friend told me recently, “Steve, it’s like I have a committee meeting going on in my head nearly all the time. One voice says, “this way" and another voice says, “Don’t do that or you’ll really regret it.” Day of DiscernmentOur ministry, Potter's Inn, is in a season of discernment. We are trying to see into the future and what steps we should take together. We decided to spend a day together called a “Day of Discernment.” We all felt like it would be very good to spend a day together--to pray--to talk--and to make a plan.The day did not go as any one on our Board expected. Our Board is comprised mostly of business executives and spouses shaped by decades of experience in decision making and management skills. Nothing ---nothing we did in this day of discernment met their or my expectations.We were guided in this day by a Benedictine Monk who was seasoned in age and experience for our day together. We made a good decision here. We decided that we needed some guidance because much is at stake. We wanted pure wisdom. So, we met with a Monk to be our guide for the day. I knew this monk well as this monk is my own spiritual director that I have met with for years.We gathered around a lit candle, not a Powerpoint presentation. We began in silence. We needed to listen--she explained. She told us, “We can’t possibly begin trying to decide the future for your ministry until we FIRST, and she emphasized the word “First” clear our hearts and minds of all of our distractions." She, then, asked us to write down on small rocks she had placed in a basket, all the things we came to the meeting feeling bothered by; preoccupied with or having anxiety because of something going on in our private lives.We stared at a basket of rocks and a Sharpie. It was not corporate. It was not business. It was not technologically sophisticated. It was more "other-worldly" than anything I could have imagined. It was glorious.We obliged her requests. I found myself immediately concerned for our Board members who had taken time off and away to be with us to make decisions. What would they be thinking? Would they be thinking, “Steve this is a waste of time. Let’s get down to business. “I felt antsy. I felt conflicted. I could not listen well—I could not listen because my mind and heart were so cluttered.That exercise took nearly three hours to complete. Yet, we yielded to the process outlined for us—a process not based on excellency, efficiency or ego. Each of us had come with significant issues we were holding in our hearts. One couple wrote on one rock, “our house”—they shared that they needed their house to sell here so they could move there. Another wrote the names of their teenage sons. Each of us shared about our rocks—our burdens—our preoccupations and we listened. We asked clarifying questions guided by the monk to help us more fully understand the burden each of us had been carrying.After our first three hour session, we took a break and had lunch. Lunch was simple “monk food.” Again, nothing to rave about. Simple. Simple, Simple. During the lunch, I could not help but ask some of our Board members, what they were thinking. Each one shared that they too had wondered at first if this was a waste of time or “Couldn’t we move this along a bit more quickly.” But we listened.We took a time of silence to sit with ourselves to see the clutter; feel the distractions and sense the inner urgency rather than ignore it. We listened to the voice of our culture shouting “Efficiency! Excellence and Performance.” We choose to march to the beat of a different drummer. We chose to listen.After lunch, we came back and within 45 minutes had the entire future of our ministry displayed on a white board with action steps and a timeline. We sat in amazement at how this could have happened. Several of us shook our heads in disbelief that in 45 minutes, we had stumbled into a path that was filled with clarity, light and affirmation.Our culture is all about action. We want to get down to business quickly and not waste anyone’s time. But being so action focused cuts off the ears of our hearts to listen to what really may be more pressing; more important and more of God.As a Team, we choose to have some time of silence at the beginning of every staff meeting. Rather than doing a devotional, Bible Study or even prayer, we are learning the value of listening together and listening for the Voice of Creation calling to us for our attention and focus.A family, we mentor and who has a large family of nine children from 5-18, begins the dinner meal with a collective silence. A time of being quiet together. A time of detoxing from the events, chores and issues of the day to segway into a time of sharing a meal—which is more than just eating food. They begin by listening.In our marriage, listening is becoming the most important gift we offer each other. Both of us both want and need to be listened to deeply—not just hearing the facts or the events but listening for deeper indicators of one another’s soul and well being. When we listen, we are listening for what is not being said as much as we are listening for what is being said. We are listening to the pauses; the spaces between sentences and the signs. All of these are as loud as the words we use. For Gwen to really listen well to me and I to her, we both need to focus; be present and not distracted and be willing to keep our mouths closed.Perhaps this is why the Apostle James reminds us: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19).When we are seeking to figure out God’s will—the first step is learning to listen deeply not just for God’s voice but for all the clutter inside that may be drowning out the Voice.

Becoming Who We Really Are: The Journey of Being Human

We are always becoming. From the day we were born, and really before that—we embarked on a journey of becoming. We do not stay who we were and we will not remain who we are at this very moment.Who of us would ever want to remain our 6 year old self? Is there anyone who wants to go back and remain 13 for ever?We morph. We change. We grow. We transform. This is the story of our lives.Take a look at me and my grandson, Charlie. He’s just six months old in this picture. Every parent knows that the terrible two’s are coming. But that doesn't matter to me. I'm his grandfather--his Pappy.He’ll go through adolescence; go through puberty; challenge his parents, go to school; get a few jobs, date a few girls and marry someone when he’s ready. He will try on vocational clothes—trying on one job, another role—yet another position until he, at lasts can say, “For this—I was made.” It will be a journey. Sometimes, we seem to lose sight of the fact of our formation. As Charlie's Pappy, I consider it to be my chef--role to help him know his story and claim his story and live out of his story. I don't have to raise him. But I do want to help him understand his story.Then, there is Charlie’s spiritual journey. A person's spiritual story is really EVERY chapter of their life-story: health, past, relationships, vocational journey, fears, dreams, failures, sin, glory and more. Charlie, like all of us has a spiritual story—a sort of flowing and winding road where he will learn about God. He will hear about his original glory—that deep place within his soul that is all good and full of light. I honestly believe that the most important role of a grandparent is to re-enforce the original glory into our grandchildren. I say this because the parents are so consumed, like we all were, with survival, diapers, driving the kids around and discipline. He will be told about his sin—Lord knows, so much emphasis is on that part of his story that most of us have never even considered our original glory. Before there was sin, remember--there was glory. He will be shaped by love, hurt, rejection, passion, longings and failure. All of it will shape his little soul that you see today.Charlie, like everyone of us, will be soul shaped by geography and place, good people and hurtful people. He will encounter mystery, facts and figures and be drawn to one or more of those shaping realities. He will have his own distinct dreams and longings separate from his father and mother and his grandparents. He will make his own choices—some good and some not so good that will all shape his soul.Gifted writer, Madeline L’Engle pens these true words for us:“I am still every age that I have been. Because I was once a child, I am always a child. Because I was once a searching adolescent, given to moods and ecstasies, these are still part of me, and always will be... This does not mean that I ought to be trapped or enclosed in any of these ages...the delayed adolescent, the childish adult, but that they are in me to be drawn on; to forget is a form of suicide... Far too many people misunderstand what *putting away childish things* means, and think that forgetting what it is like to think and feel and touch and smell and taste and see and hear like a three-year-old or a thirteen-year-old or a twenty-three-year-old means being grownup.And Spiritual author and mentor, David Benner writes, “Identifying and embracing your lineage is an important part of any pathway to greater wholeness because it involves remembering your own story. All the parts of your journey must be woven together if you are to transcend your present organization and level of consciousness. For myself, the great challenge was re-embracing traditions that I have grown beyond and that offered—even at the time—an oppressively small worldview. I did not want to be an ex-evangelical or an ex-fundamentalist. Too many people live that life of dis-identification, and I did not want to share their anger and “stuckness.” It was essential, therefore, for me to identify and embrace the gifts that had come to me from these traditions. This was the way in which I came to know that everything in my life belongs, that every part of my story has made important contributions to who I am. And the same is true for you.Charlie will have chapters of his life that he will have to make sense of. Each of us have chapters—some we like and some we don’t. There are sad chapters of failed marriages, broken relationships and following our prodigal hearts. But what sense can we make of these shattered pieces of our story--these illusions that are so hard to die in us?When I look back at some of my chapters, I’ve noticed that as I’ve “moved on” or “moved through” a particular season or chapter, I had no real way of integrating THAT particular chapter into my story or soul. At times, I felt like I was shedding old snake skins so that something new could come out. I felt the need to "get rid" of the old skins rather than embrace them. How about you?For many years now, I have called myself an “Re-Covering Baptist.” That always gets a good laugh in most circles I speak in except when I am among the Baptist themselves. But truthfully, there were things—boxy things; narrow things, and some things I could never quite figure out that all seems to be informing me, “This is not you, Steve.” “This is not who you are. Pay attention.” I'm wondering if in my telling you this about me, what might stir inside of you? What or who are you "re-covering" from?Some of us will be recovering from some thing; some group; some political affiliation, some denomination or some person. Some of us will have addiction in our story—a lot of us. Some of us will have abuse. Some of us will discover we were abused not by what was “done” to us but by what was not given us—that every human being created in the imago Die deserves, requires and needs to be whole and healthy.I have heard the stories of thousands of souls—and the stories that bother and confound me the most are those that go like this:-I don’t have a past.-My past was buried and all I have is a present and a future.This past Saturday, I took a long drive and came upon a church with a big sign which read, “No one has a past—only a future.” I sat in the parking lot so disturbed by that sign that I had a quiet protest with my coffee, then drove on.What a lie—to say “no one has a past.” Here’s the deal. Charlie is living his past every single day right now. And so are you. So am I.So much truth and so much light is in our past that it’s really shocking. Our challenge is that so many of us don’t really know our story. We say, “We can’t remember.” Or, “That was so long ago, I’ve forgotten it.” I doubt it. The mind stores up all of these gold memories for us to mine and find the nuggets of gold that will enrich our lives. Gwen and I have been working with a gifted therapist who is trained in helping us unlock the memories we can't dredge up--but have "bothered us". It's been such a helpful investment--particularly in our marriage. We felt the need to finally unlock the door of each of our past that had gone unexplored and unexamined. We did this because we were hitting some impasses--all about our individual formation stories. It felt like our individual "past" stories were colliding and creating friction. After 37 years, we felt like it was time to dig in and see what was "there". We are both enjoying the fruits right now of such work--more peace and contentment than ever in our marriage.The apostle Paul reminds us, “We see through a glass dimly but one day, we will see face to face.” I think there’s far, far, far more to that verse than we can ever quite imagine. Our stories and Charlie’s story is already dim. We just don’t quite get or understand the power of people who shape our souls. We have not had enough science to reveal how our memories—our traumas—our beautiful experiences make us who we are.As I review my own story from time to time, I am realizing the power and significance of the shaping experiences of having a dramatic conversation on January 21, 1972 in my university chapel. Later, I was deeply shaped by flaming charismatic friends and one amazing Lutheran Pastor (Herb Mirley) who helped me break out of my boxes and experience an inner life where Jesus lives. Having a creed was not enough for me. I wanted it all. These friends helped me speak in what I though was “tongues”—but gave up after feeling like I forcing "it" to convince my friends, “I had it.” I was discipled diligently for four years by an Inter-Varsity staff worker who singled me out and poured massive time, books and memorizing Scripture into my soul. Some of what he "taught" me, I know now is wrong and not correct. I tried then to make a break from my denominational roots but did not have the courage to do so, so settled in for twenty years until I could find the words and muster the courage to say, “This is not me.”Like Benner, I am learning to embrace all of my chapters—all of my story into one, whole and integrated story that has shaped me. It feels as close to what David wrote when he prayed, "Give me an undivided heart, that I might praise your name." For many years, my heart has been divided by doctrine, boxed by fears and marshaled by an energy that now I see was man made--not God shaped.Even now, I am still becoming. I am not done. There are still some things I need to lay aside in order to grasp hold of what is ahead of me. Some labels don’t fit me anymore and I want to grow in my gratitude for these chapters rather than be held hostage by them. I want to thank the Lord for the good I got wearing the label and courageously be willing to keep moving forward.How would you tell your story? Who knows your story? It would be a good goal in the the year ahead and find some trusted, safe and loving friends to listen to your story--and you listen to their story. Here are six suggestions:

1. Use my book Soul Shaping to explore your past shaping events and people.
2. Read or re-read my book The Lazarus LIfe where I tell me story through the story of Lazarus. You'll be given language and vocabulary to dig into your own story. There's a work book also for more and deeper work.
3. Develop a time line in five year increments where you note the people, places, events and internal awakenings you experienced including abuse, trauma and rich and wonderful events.
4. Make a time with 2-5 friends and give each person one hour to tell their story uninterrupted and unedited.
5. Be kind to yourself as you dig into your story. Most stories have chapters and novels of guilt and shame. See if you can find the light and grace in each chapter of your story—for God has been with you all along, just has it is with Charlie right now.
6. Ask God to help you remember and consider sitting with someone gracious, non-judging and who can deeply listen to your story.

Soul Care in Busy Times

The holidays and life itself have been great reminders for Gwen and me about the need for soul care. It has been a lot—perhaps too much. Busyness. Full schedules. Sickness. Exhaustion in the midst of joyous times of family gatherings.In the midst of all of the busyness, how are we to care for our souls? For us, we were with all of our kids and their kids. We traveled to some while others came to us. Travel brings its own stress these days dosen't it? There were meals to prepare; presents to open; and hanging out with one another. It was full. It was sweet and it was a rich time. But we came away exhausted. We need to re-coup! I need to find “my” life that I seemed to have lost in a busy family time. But what if there’s no time to re-coup? That’s a problem!During December, Gwen and I barely had time for a conversation between ourselves—much less pray or take some moments for ourselves. I have some regrets. I didn’t read like I wanted. I wasn’t able to reflect back and forward into the New Year like I wanted. We were cramming in time and the gift of being present with each other. Much of the past few weeks feels like a blurr—not a blessing. I’m not complaining mind you, but trying to present some reality that stands in the face of caring for my soul. 0ther things happened which complicated our lives and health.A 24 hour “violent”—(is that the right word?) spread through our family while together. We watched our grandchildren drop like flies leaving us to meditate upon “We’re next!” more than God. Both Gwen and I got sick—something we did not want or invite. Interruptions happen—those events that face us that we do not want to face. Life is too full for the unexpected to drop in on us and mess up our already overly-crowded lives. When there is no space or margin in our lives, interruptions can send us spiraling. How will we ever be able to recover when we have to just buck up and move on and through? The unplanned things of life happen simply happen whether we are ready for them or not.When we think of our every day lives, we are busy, checking our lists and moving through our days. Diapers to change. Dishes to wash. Bills to pay. Groceries to be bought. Meals to prepare. There’s always more—always!In our work with people of all ages and in all seasons of life—one of the biggest pushbacks we hear is this: “I don’t have time to care for my soul. How can I fit THAT in upon every thing else I have to do?”Caring for your soul is learning to live with eternity in mind and in the heart. It requires a paradigm shift of how we look at our hours, days, weeks and years. Living with eternity in mind is at the heart of Jesus’ message: “Seek first the Kingdom of God” (Matt. 6:33). It is at the core of Paul’s epistles: “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things” (Col. 3:2). While it is true that God has indeed set eternity in our hearts (Ecc. 3:11)—our minds are filled with the tyranny of the urgent and this is where the wheels of the bus come off in regard to caring for our souls.  So, soul care is learning how to maintain eternity in the midst of our crowded lives!Caring for our souls is a daily practice that keeps first things first. A mindless wandering through our days leads most of us to enter the hamster wheel where we simply spin and spin. Soul Care requires an intentional exit from the dizzying spinning and speed of life and to live with eternity in both of our minds and hearts.Annie Dillard reminds us so well that “how we live our days is how we live our lives.” Days upon days of survival foster a survival culture at home and in work. So, if we want to live better days and more full-filling weeks, we must make the choice every day to live with eternity in our hearts. The abundant life is a daily life which begins every day. Every day we have the opportunity to live with eternity in mind and heart.Here are five choices to cultivate eternity in your heart:

1. Choose to live slow one day a week. For one day a week, make a choice to resist speed. The cult of speed has infected most everything we do. For one day—life more intentionally; live more from the heart—where eternity is rooted. Walk rather than drive. Park further away from your destination to make you walk just a bit. Cook a slow meal, not "fast food" on this day-- involving family and friends. Savor the time with music, story or read a chapter out of a book together. Some might call this a Sabbath but moving slow is more than taking a day off. Moving slow sets the culture of your heart to wake up. By eradicating hurry from your life, I believe you’ll find greater joy than ever before. After you’ve made this choice and lived slow for one day a week, take some time and see if you’re inner contentment meter has moved in one direction or the other. Is there more inner peace? Why or why not?

2. Choose to live with your soul and the soul of other people in mind—not moving into robot mode to produce, accomplish and succeed. Living with the soul in mind is keeping eternity alive rather than going into a catatonic trance of survival. To live with the soul in mind and heart is to foster dignity for others and yourself. If you’re exhausted—rest. If you’re sick—ask yourself “Do I really have to push through not feeling well?” Living with the soul in mind is living with your own sense of well-being and the well-being of others. Being present and not preoccupied with technology in conversation is one way to live with the soul in mind. Leaving our stresses of work outside the home—sort of detoxing a bit before we enter the doors of home can help. 

1. Choose to be healthy. This daily choice requires us to monitor three vital areas of our daily lives: sleeping, eating and moving. It’s really not that complicated. These three areas: sleeping well, eating healthy and moving more all work together to help us become more healthy. Healthy living requires this trinity of a way of looking at our lives and giving our bodies what our bodies need to be healthy.

1. Choose to have silence every day for 10 minutes. The only antidote there is to our busy lives and busy minds is being quiet. Sit BY yourself and WITH yourself every day for 10 minutes. Consent to the presence of God within you and around you. There is nothing to do but to be still. The only way for a shaken jar full of mud and water to settle is stillness.

 5. Choose to read only the “red” letters of Jesus. Rather than trying and trying to read the Bible through in a year—try something more realistic and doable. At the most stressful times of my life, I make a choice to read only the words of Jesus. I have found a comfort, peace and hope in his words that really help me focus and give me hope. Sometimes, it’s the simple things we do that can move us forward when we’re stuck. For me, finding a “red letter edition” of the Bible and focusing on what Jesus actually said helps. Start with Matthew 5—where Jesus begins his infamous “sermon on the mount."  Read it in a new version or translation that gives you the space to be offered new expressions and intent.