A Prayer of Recovery

For too long, I have greatly under-estimated the sheer power of listening to people--of hearing so many sad stories. Yes, it is a part of my work--it is my vocation to hear such things. But in the hearing now, I am also listening to myself say a new prayer after such long, hard and sometimes very dark work of helping--of rescuing; of counseling and offering spiritual guidance.I've returned from an intense time of such work. I've re-entered my life now--having left so many folks I sat with in recent days. Now, I must do my own work of cleansing--my own work of restoration--my own soul care.Everyone who cares--needs care. So, this prayer is something I've written to help me leave the burdens I carried for others in recent days and weeks. It is my own way of doing some inner work of cleansing and confession. I hope it might be an encouragement to those who care and for those in need of the care of their own souls. A Prayer of Recovery for all who have Tried to Help-Stephen W. Smith Dear God, I have entered the dark in search of the light. Bring your light into the dungeon so that I can find my way back out. It has been dark—very dark. Show me your light. Let me see my way to you once again.I have searched O Lord to find hearts that are lost; souls that feel trapped, minds that are enslaved and I am weary because of it. Restore unto me, your comfort and care. I need your footing to find my way back out.I have sought to throw a lifeline to those in peril and because of this, I now need your lifeline for me. Grip me and pull me through lest I feel abandoned myself. The weight of their issues can bring me down. I can trip on all the grave clothes found and untied. Show me the way back out.I am unaware of what I soak into my own soul in such places; in hearing such sadness. My heart has been too much like a sponge soaking in their pain and I feel their pain and my own. Have mercy upon me, O Lord. In attempting to stop their bleeding, please, O Lord stop my own. Their hemorrhage has caused me to do the same. I feel messy. Cleanse me, O Lord. They hurt and I have hurt for them; with them. I now need to lay their hurt aside and find my own heart once again. Please help me.Rid me of a cloak of despair. Let me shed the grave clothes of others and walk into the Light. Free me from the tomb and the shackles of others so that I might run once again in freedom and joy.Where there has been evil, now bring me to peace.Where there has been so much despair, now sow seeds of joy within me.Where there has been buffeting waves where we only feel the deep, bring me to the ground of my being—the Ground of Your Being.Help me to sense the crowd of witnesses who now surround me and to hear their encouragement. Help me now to rest for great has been the battle.The greatest cheer I seek to hear is your delight--not in my work--but in my being. My work is done but I am not done. I will go on. I want to recover. Speak and I will recover. Say the word, and I will come back to life. Make me attentive today among the timbered trees, rushing wind and birds that sing of the song of life once again. Sing of your delight and I will once again praise your name. Amen

Soul Care: Caring for Those in Need

When Jesus told us the familiar story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-47), he was doing more than telling us a nice story. This story is perhaps, one of the most told stories every told and is well known by people of other faiths and traditions.This is a mandate for us to care--to really care for people. A man is beat up on his journey by thugs and thieves. He was taken advantage of and trauma was the result. Van Gogh paints the story for us in vivid color and by pausing we can see more than just a nice story.The injured man is left by the side of the road in peril and in need of care. After several busy people passed this man by, an insignificant person stopped who no one would have even envisioned worthy to be able to offer the injured man care and help. The man who stopped was a Samaritan--someone who was not respected or well-thought of in his day. This "good" Samaritan we're told, took the ailing and injured person to an Inn where the Innkeeper pledged all the help needed to restore the person's well-being.Look at the injured man on the horse. His body is limp. He's weak from the journey. His head his bandaged showing that he is most likely in a daze--even unable to dismount his horse. He's weak. He's tired. He's been through trauma.Notice the "Good" person in the story. He is the one helping the injured man. He's dressed different from the ailing man. He's strong--reaching to help the man down. Do you see the open suitcase in the bottom left corner. The man has been robbed. Things have been taken from him. He's been violated. He's been a victim. Right above the suitcase is one the people who noticed the injured man but is passing by. He didn't stop to help. He did not care. He was pre-occupied with his life--his mission--his goal--perhaps his own thoughts. Learning to care involves thinking of one's self less and the needs of others more. This is what we mean when we say that someone is "selfless." We mean that their thoughts are focused on something other than self. The folks who passed this dear injured man by--were thinking of religion; thinking of their obligations; thinking of themselves and their own busyness.We learn in the parable and in the fabulous painting that caring for the soul of men and women requires a few simple acts:

• Noticing--Jesus' story is about noticing the folks around us in our every day life who need care. Some noticed and passed by; others rushed by too pre-occupied to stop; too limited in time to really care. Soul Care first begins in the act of noticing. Who needs help? Who in your everyday walking, talking and working life seems to be hurting? Truly "good" people do not see others as invisible. They have a sense that people matter and hurting people matter a lot. When we are too pre-occupied to notice the hurting--we are too busy. By moving fast and by moving with great intention, we overlook someone who is need. Isn't this the real message Jesus offered us in another parable: ^"For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, ⁴³ I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ ⁴⁴ Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ ⁴⁵ Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me."--(Matthew 25:31-36). We notice people by SEEING them. Really seeing the person--the blood--the wound--the need. People in need matter and they matter as much as our mission statement; our mandates; our priorities and our every day "to do lists".
• Stopping-- if we are too busy to stop--then we are simply too busy. This is Jesus' point. We need to stop. It is not enough to see the need--our call is to actually stop and elp. In this parable, Jesus makes it clear that stopping is God's real will-God's real mission--God's real ministry. When we are over-committed and spin rivaling priorities, we cannot stop--at least we live in the illusion that we can't stop. This is Jesus whole point for us to ponder. What is taking up the mental space and heart space that each one of us has in life?
• Reaching--Caring involves reaching out. Just as you see the person reaching to help---real help is incarnational. It involves our feet, our hands; our resources; our intent; our physical act---and not just our prayers.
• Helping--The Good Samaritan took the injured man to a place for healing and help. Soul Care does not happen by thinking or even praying for help. It involves the actually help we extend to others. Our hands become God's extended hands. Our eyes become God's eyes to see. Our feet to move--become the incarnational feet of Jesus to move us to those in need. Teresa of Avila penned these famous words:Christ Has No BodyChrist has no body now on earth but yours, No hands but yours, No feet but yours, Yours are the eyes through which is to look out Christ’s compassion to the world; Yours are the feet with which he is to go about doing good; Yours are the hands with which he is to bless men now.T0 care like is to actually involves oneself in the incarnational work of God in the 21st century. This happens when we live this story out--when we put ourselves into this painting--when we believe the actual words Jesus offered us.
• Providing on-going care--this is the story of the actual Inn--the actual place where help is given. Care does not happen in a vacuum. Care happens in a place where love is extended; wounds are bound and stories are listened too deeply. Love is extended. This is the heart of God, is it not? The wounds are tended to; the man's story is listened to; good food and drink nourish the injured back to health.

When I study this picture as I have for several weeks now, I see that Van Gogh actually captured the mission of Potter's Inn. We care for the souls of leaders in the marketplace and ministry. This parable has shaped our important work. We do this by providing care and by teaching the great preventative work involved in the care of our souls.We have an Inn. We provide a place for people from all over the world to come to learn; to experience care; to be equipped to be a mobile "Inn" in the marketplace and ministry. We have people who care. We know how to provide the care leaders need and we are so deeply glad to be doing this great work. We are profoundly thankful to those of you who help us do this by your financial support and prayers. It takes a lot of help to do what we do.It's important for me to underscore that soul care, when really understood is NOT just like Red Cross kind of work--the kind of work done when catastrophes and storms wreak havoc. Soul Care is really preventative work--to equip people to know how to live well and work well in life. We do this by helping people understand the soul; how to care for the soul; how to live in a sense of rhythm and how to sustain the life God called us to live. 

6 Ways of Coping with Sadness

There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad. Sadness can become a real barometer to help us cope with the harsh realities of life. When we pay attention to our own sadness, we can find issues that are below the waterline that will help us; inform us; teach us and comfort us. Sadness is really a necessary place we humans must experience. To attempt to avoid sadness is to avoid the full dimension of being human. Pills can medicate us; drugs can calm us but the real feelings of sadness mark us as normal people in a "amped up" culture. To deny sadness, is to believe the lie that happiness can be lived out all of the time by all of the people. The truth is this: there are many things that happen in life that should make us sad and need to make us sad. Suffering. Tragedy. Loss. Failure. Moral collapse and many more realities all contribute to some ones emotional and spiritual equilibrium.The Christian culture in particular is often in-ept to help people cope with sadness. Churches can "whoop it up for Jesus" in worship and never equip people to actually know how to lament--and to know there is an entire book of the Bible named, "Lamentations". True worship needs both dimensions of the human experience. True spiritual health embraces sadness and I hope we can better equip the folks within the church to learn better how to cope. In my thinking, this is true discipleship--as much as memorizing Scripture or studying Romans.When you read the Psalms, you do not find that the Psalmist every avoided or denied his own feeling of being sad sometimes. The sad Psalms are juxtaposed to the bright and happy God poems. Both are important. Both are vital to our human experience. Both are necessary.When we examine the life of Jesus, we also see someone who embraces sadness as normal. He cried when his dear friend, Lazarus died. He felt lonely. He experienced rejection. He went through disappointment. He was not the eternal optimist. He spoke of dark endings and tribulations. He held the sad with the courageous feelings in his own heart.In my work with people who work in the marketplace and ministry, I hear many sad stories. Marriage woes. Vocational wilderness. Prodigal children. Failure both morally and professionally. Sin. Entrapment. The death of dreams and more. Gwen and I are coached in our work by those more trained and seasoned than we are. One of our mentors, a Christian psychiatrist told us, a few years back, “You two have grossly underestimated the residual effect of listening to so many sad stories.” He went on to explain that the soul is like a sponge that can absorb the emotions the soul sits in. He helped us develop a plan to deal with the sadness we hear and the sadness we experience in our own life.As we began to deal with our own sad hearts, we've found some helpful things we try to practice on a daily basis. I’m thinking these will encourage you as well.Here are 6 ways of working with sadness:

1. Walk every day. Danish theologian, Soren Kiekrkegarrd wrote, “Above all, do not lose you desire to walk. Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it.” I’ve found this to be absolutely true. In our modern world, we move fast and quick. Walking steps every single day is medicinal. But walking is a very basic form of coping with sadness that forms a rhythm and cadence for the body and brain. Step by step, we walk away from issues and in that cadence we find ourselves greatly helped. It’s beneficial physically, spiritually and emotionally. These days, I’m trying to walk 10,000 steps each day and it’s helping me in every way imaginable. My doctor agrees and so does my blood pressure. I unpack this more in Embracing Soul Care in a chapter called, "Walking with God."

2. Use the ancient practice of the Daily Examen. This is a simple and brief exercise done each day where you think back on your day to examine where you saw the fingerprint of God in our day and encounter. You ask yourself two basic questions: Where in my day did I experience the beautiful? This question causes you to evaluate your encounters with people and events to trace some form of consolation, comfort and Divine in your day. The second question is the opposite. Ask yourself, “Where did you experience the brutal?” The brutal is those places of desolation, darkness and discomfort. Don’t unpack them. Just acknowledge your feelings and impressions. Gwen and I do this every single night. It’s our way of connecting; sharing with each other our inner world impressions and really trying to practice what we call “deep listening” with each other. Ignatius said if a person practiced the Daily Examen for three months—their life would be changed forever. I agree. It makes us more sensitive to the movements of God in our life and our reaction, reflection and acknowledgement of our own feelings. Do this as a family—no matter what age your kids are. Do this in our marriage or with friends. I explain the Daily Examen more in The Jesus Life.

3. Read the Psalms. I remember the day Dallas Willard told me, “We need to read the Psalms every day because the Psalms were the prayer book of Jesus—the only prayer book he ever had.” The Psalms document the wide range of human feelings, divine encounters and our human dilemma. They do not deny the normal, everyday feelings that a human being will experience in the journey of life. They give words to the unutterable feelings we have inside and we find in reading them that we are not alone. I use the Daily Office as a way to read the Psalms. This way, I do not have to choose what to read. The Psalms are chosen for me and in reading them, I am connecting my own life to the long lineage of men and women across time spans and countries that are also practicing reading what I am reading. I am connected. I am not alone. It helps. It simply helps.

4. Share the Sadness. Community is the place where we walk with those who weep or at least try to listen empathetically. Community is not the place where we tell the good and deny the hard. It is a place where we sit and share the realities of this life. We do not try to fix someone’s sadness. We refrain from giving advice. We do not attempt to teach them the way out of their black hole. The number one reason that so much community is pseudo is this: We do not know how to really listen. We are already forming our response as someone else is unpacking their dark night of the soul. Being a companion literally means to enter into the begging posture with someone else. I try to give an honest assessment of the difficulty of being in and living with community in The Jesus Life in a whole chapter and also in Soul Custody.

5. Fix your mind on a greater perspective every single day. The apostle Paul, shared with us to do this exercise. Warning: do not read this fast. Sit with each phrase and see what speaks to you.

“ Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies" Philippians 4:6-9 MSG.

Paul says to fill our minds with thoughts that help counter all the hard things we have heard and experienced in life each day. When we read Paul’s encouragement, we must remember he wrote these very words while chained to a wall in a Roman prison house. He knew this helped him. He knew it would help us. 6. Keep your work your work. By establishing a high boundary, I'm finding that I can keep my work at work and then live my life without bringing the sad stories home. When we are home, our challenge is this: we work together and live together, so a high, high boundary has been absolutely essential to help us keep our work our work and not dwell in our work or with our work when we are home. However, when our friends are in peril or our kids--then we find ourselves in peril with them. I think that is normal and keeping the high boundary becomes a very real challenge. In the end, we turn our friends and family over to the hands of God---we cannot hold them as God does. As we come to realize this, we lessen our grasp on the problems and seek to be held in the very hands of God we have come to trust. To feel sad it to feel more like Jesus than to deny our God-given feelings. We honor our heart when we give ourselves permission to be human.