Learning to Listen Deeply

In our noisy world, we are stimulated, it seems by all of our senses so much that we may not be able to really hear what we need to hear—what we want to hear. The sounds of traffic, the beeps of technology, the rings on our phones always interrupt almost any attempt to find quiet—even for a nano second it seems. Then we hear our inner voices—the inner critic who seems to always be nagging about what we just did wrong; the voices of shame that seem to whisper or shout at us about how messed up we are. One friend told me he always has a “committee meeting” going on in his head. His mind seems to always filled with multiple and conflicting voices saying one thing—then another. He is not mentally ill. He is not schizophrenic . He is voicing my inner world and perhaps yours.So much talking. So many words. So many meetings. So much information. How can we ever take in what we really need to receive to make sense of our lives, our days and most importantly, one another.It is hard to listen. We actually might think that we are listening but our attention may be divided. Our minds are distracted. Many times we are already formulating our responses; our disagreements and forming our opinions while our spouse or a friend is talking with us. We miss much of what is being said. We can’t hear. They are not making much sense and we are not understanding or showing compassion.Perhaps, we may all have an un- diagnosed conditions called, “Attention Deficit Disorder.” We are in such a deficit of giving attention because our outer world is so noisy and our inner words are shouting to us about what we should have done; should have accomplished; should have already become in this world. Perhaps rather than taking a new medication, we can learn to listen deeply. Even at the Staff meetings of our ministry, Potter's Inn, I find myself beginning most of our times together saying, "Can everyone please power down your phones?"  It is an invitation which means, "Hey, we have important work to do here. Let's be fully present with each other." When our kids all come  home, I try to muster the courage to say the same thing: Can we turn our phones off and no one post pictures of our food while we eat to Facebook?"  Perhaps it is as simple as this --as I age, I see our times so sacred and sadly so rare--I don't want any of us to miss out by being distracted to our table--to each other.Most of us are familiar with the story (See Luke 10:38-42) about the two sisters, Mary and Martha in the presence of Jesus. Martha was overly busy and pre-occupied with “so many things” and Mary got the praise for being so attentive to Jesus by listening so well—so deeply to him. We have heard this preached about for years thinking that there are two different kinds of people and how we all need to become even more like Mary. But when you study the teaching methods of Jesus, we realize that each of us actually has a little bit of Mary and a little bit of Martha in our hearts. A part of us wants the deeper, more intimate things of God while another part of us is distracted, busy and living a life out of being ‘attention deficit” to spiritual things of life. This really is a story about learning to experience the Presence of God—and how we need this story to come alive today to us with all of our inner and outward distractions.To listen—to listen deeply is really a challenge. I’ve been listening to people all of my vocational life. I’ve listened to problems. I’ve listened to couples argue about their dying marriage. I’ve listened to children lament about their emotionally absent parents. I’ve listened to team members complain about another team member. I’ve listened to staff complain about their senior leader. I’ve listened to so many leaders, that listening always presents me with a huge challenge. Will I really listen? Or, will I be distracted, unfocused, pre-occupied with the last conversation and not THIS particular person? Sometimes, I can think to myself, “Here we go again, another couple on the brink.” Or, “Here’s the latest staff team in conflict.” I am editing. I can be pre-occupied. I can miss them and what they need to say and want to say because I am so much like Martha.In my marriage with Gwen, I have found the challenge of really listening to her, a huge challenge. Sometimes, I feel a growing impatience within me as she is talking. One time as she was sharing with me about her day, I was feeling anxious, frustrated and annoyed. I remember thinking—but thankfully not saying—“Can you just give me the bullet points of your day. Spare me the details. Get on with it.” Maybe you can relate? Have you ever felt frustrated as someone you actually love is talking and you can’t really hear them because you are so preoccupied with your own inner noise? Many of us can identify with this conundrum. We want to listen but find it hard to really listen well—to listen deeply.We are often deaf or hard of hearing it seems. One couple I counseled came in one week and the wife began. “He’s totally deaf to me. He doesn’t hear me any more.” We can be this way with our families; at work and even with God. We can’t seem to hear one another well. We hear the buzz of noisy words but we are really missing each other. Life becomes absurd for us when we can’t listen. In the Latin, the root word ‘absurd’ comes from the word—deaf. When things in marriage, work and with life feel absurd---I am experiencing a deafness—a missing of what is being spoken. It makes no sense. She makes no sense. You make no sense. Life makes no sense. Even God makes no sense.When Luke describes the encounter of Mary and Martha and Martha’s ADD, we’re told that Mary “listened to what he was saying.” It was Mary’s ability to focus, to give attention to the words of Jesus that Jesus noticed. Mary listened first to his words but then the words gave way to the experience of the presence of Jesus. Mary was in the presence of Jesus while Martha was not. She moved beyond the content of the actual words of what Jesus was saying to experiencing the Presence of Jesus.Gwen has told me for years that she wants me, needs me to really listen to her. When she says this, I am finally able to figure out that she is wanting my full presence—not just my ears. She wants me; needs me to be present—to be with her. She wants my focus, my attention. She doesn’t want me to be a busy Martha solving her problems before she even finishes telling me about her problems.In my efforts to become a better listener in my marriage and in my work, I was introduced to the Chinese word for “listen.” Remember how sometimes a foreign word can help shed light on our own mono way of understanding? The Chinese characters which make up the word “listen” have each of these parts to make the one word—the whole word listen: One character depicts the ears. Another depicts the mind. One reveals the eyes and another shows the heart. In Chinese, the word for “listen” involves the ears, the mind, eyes, and heart. There is also a horizontal line in the midst of all these characters which means undivided attention. Listening requires focus.Mary’s listening to Jesus involved her mind being present—not rifling through her lists of things that needed to get accomplished. Listening for Mary meant using her ears to really lean into the presence of the words to hear and to experience a deeper meaning. Her eyes were laser focus on the One who was speaking. She offered her undivided attention and her heart was present to experience the true presence of Jesus.At our retreat, we help people listen to the Scriptures. Most of us have heard so much preaching and teaching that we assume we know so much. Our attitudes about even hearing the Scripture stir up feelings of “Yeah, tell me something new. Tell me something I don’t already know. I’m numb to this even before you start reading.” This is what I mean by spiritual absurdity. Nothing seems to ever make any sense because we simply becoming deaf.In the ancient method of listening to Scriptures known as ‘Lectio Divina’, we practice listening by hearing a simple passage read slowly repeatedly and softly. We encourage people to imagine their ears as being the giant ears an elephant wrapping around each word to find the deeper meaning. We are helping the Marthas of today to become the Marys. We are helping each other move from just hearing words—to experiencing the presence.Every lectio reading becomes truly sacred in this way because we move from just hearing to experiencing the Presence. Like Gwen has coached me so well through the years, my lectio in our conversations moves me towards her—moves me to be present with her—moves me to experience her heart and not just hear her words.How can you move from hearing the words to being in the true presence of your spouse, friend, team and into the very Presence of God today?

It Takes a Long Time to Grow a Salad

It takes a long, long time to make a salad like this. Let me explain. In 1997, I woke up in the middle of the night and it was, as if I heard an audible Voice telling me to get a pad a paper and to start writing. It wasn’t really audible but it was as sure as a message telling me to do something that I have ever heard. So,  I got up. I picked the yellow pad on my desk and began to write these words, “It will be called the Potter’s Inn.” What followed was about an hour of note-taking where I wrote down the vision of Potter’s Inn ministry. That document became for us, as important as the Magna Charta or the Declaration of Independence. We have it to this day and still refer to it in times of discouragement.The vision was clear and precise. There would be an actual, physical place where those who were weary and tired would come for a respite. The journey of life and faith is hard and challenging and ever since the beginning of Jesus’ teachings, there were always “places” where people would come for renewal, guidance and rest.The English novelist J.R.R. Tolkien described such a place in  famous, Lord of the Rings where he gives words to such a place. It would be  “a perfect house, whether you like food or sleep or storytelling or singing, or just sitting and thinking best, or a pleasant mixture of them all. Merely to be there was a cure for weariness, fear and sadness.”  Gwen and I have long wanted our own Potter's Inn retreat to resemble Tolkien's description. We sat out to live this vision.  Today, 19 years  later, people from over 80 nations have come to Potter's Inn.  Some tired; some needy; some thirsty but all in search of a resting place for their own journey.This was the beginning of Potter’s Inn. Step by step for the past 19 years, Gwen and I put this vision and transformed it to what is now known as The Potter’s Inn at Aspen Ridge, a small, beautiful retreat nestled in the  Colorado Rockies. A part of the vision that we followed called for a garden where guests and staff would go to pick fresh greens, pull carrots from the good Earth and harvest tomatoes from vines that were ready to give up their goods. 19 years later; 19 years from when this first vision was “seen”—today Gwen and I picked the first fruits—the very first vegetables from the Potter’s Inn garden. We came home. We made a fresh salad composed of tender lettuce; fresh spinach, young orange carrots and a few other goodies. We sat down on our porch and it felt like church. I was overwhelmed with the beauty in my bowl. I was humbled knowing that it took 19 years to make this salad.Eugene Peterson describes a journey like this as a “long obedience in the same direction.” I can give witness to the fact that our long obedience in the same direction has been long; been one of obeying the Vision and the Vision giver and with a resolve to keep going forward. At times, we wanted to quit--for it has been so uphill.  When people come to our retreat, they are often amazed at the beauty but they do not know the long, hard winters both physically and emotionally, as well as financially, we have endured. They do not know the people who have come and gone--the sheer amount of work it has taken to put legs to this vision. Its been a lot of plowing so to speak. It's been a lot of hoeing. It's been a lot of work.In our day of instant, quick and immediate returns, we have perhaps forgotten the long obedience needed not only for a vision to be fulfilled but for a life to be lived well.Luke wrote a biography of the life and teachings of Jesus and Luke described the childhood days of Jesus by saying, “And Jesus increased in wisdom and in years and in divine and human favor (Luke 2:52). Jesus indeed had a long obedience. As his years increased so did his wisdom. As he lived well, he was graced with favor by both people and by God. It was a long obedience.  Through trials, testing and tribulation, we see the seeds Jesus himself planted. some have taken root in me and some in you. What he began, we now are feasting upon today. It took him sacrifice and for all who persevere today, sacrifice is not an option--it is a requirement.I am thinking as I write this, of my grandchildren. They have a long obedience in front of them. The journey is going to be uphill, hard and challenging. They will not be able to fast-track their formation. They will not be able to get all they will need at “fast-food” joints. It takes a long, long time to grow character. My grandchild, still in utero, will need to go through pain and birth and pain again many, many times to form their soul. They will have to be tested. Their morals; their choices; their beliefs will have to be tried by fire and tempered by the anvil of failure and forgiveness. Mistakes will happen. Failure will come. Contentment will be learned.   Through all of this and more, character will be forged. It will take a long, long time.It takes a long time to grow a marriage. Everyone knows the wedding is the simple part; the easy part and perhaps in the end, the least expensive part of growing a healthy marriage. Some lessons a couple will learn will be very expensive to learn. There will be unlearning and re-learning and transformation. The man will fail and ask for forgiveness. The woman will succumb to a force she may have never known; never admitted to nor ever wanted. But through time; in time and by time, the heart of the couple will grow deeper in love than the innocent love expressed on their wedding day. One day, one partner will lay his spouse down. It will be a giving up that is unimaginable to those of us who have never done this kind of laying down. Couples who hit bumps in the road through failure, unfaithfulness, and other collapses can, indeed find a new place of beginning yet again.On my 60th birthday, I will never forget the horrible fight that erupted between Gwen and me. I said to her in utter hurt and frustration, "Gwen, we've been married a very long time. You should have known this about me by now."  I was angry, disappointed and totally frustrated that I was having to explain what I thought was a basic like and dislike.  As we cool down, we learned how much we still have to learn about each other. We learned how deeply we still needed to really listen to each other. It was yet, another turning point for us in our maturing marriage.It takes a long time for a preacher to learn how to become a pastor and not just a teacher. Lessons are easy to spin off each week. But to earn the mantle of being a pastor is sacred honor that comes only in time where trust is nurtured and wisdom is cultivated. Getting the degree is the easy part. Earning the trust is far more challenging.It takes a long time for a entrepreneur to take a breather from the uphill climb of starting a business; of launching a new product. Nine of out ten new businesses fail. Nine out of ten new churches fail.  Nine out of ten partnerships fail. There is a lot of failing before we find our sweet spot and recognize what true success really is all about.It takes a long, long time for a boy to become a man; for a girl to become a woman; for a youth to grow their soul as well as their bodies. A soul tends to mature far slower than does a physique of an athlete.  The literal meaning of "education" means to pull out what is already inside. It is not the amassing of information that leads to greatness. It is all about transformation.  No one who knows everything recognizes that they need to be transformed. Only the broken beg for change and forgiveness--the proud never do and never will.The Bible gives this kind of notion a word called, “perseverance.” To preserve is to endure; to live with determination; to have the resolve to not quit; not give up but to stick to the task until it is complete. We learn through the writings of Peter--a man who failed many times as a leader--that perseverance is a true virtue. It is something to be rewarded and the reward really comes only to those who do not quit.  Our salad was our reward.Our salad tasted as if it were the bread and wine of communion. Just like we hear by the pastors and priests, the bread had to be broken and the wine had to be poured out—both symbols of loss and a seeming dead end. But as we chewed on this leafy, green eucharist for our dinner, we were transported to a place of profound thanksgiving. We bowed—we wanted to bow—because God did this. Through the 19 years, through the cancer; through the death of other dreams; through the walking by faith and not by sight, we saw, yet another piece of the vision fulfilled. I placed a fork in my salad and slowly lifted the spinach, lettuce, carrots drizzled with a homemade dressing, I was so, very, very happy—do deeply content.To be honest, I would have to tell you that not all of the Vision I received that night has happened. Some of it has and I still find myself wondering how in the world will what is not yet—will actually become. Will it happen in my life time? Am I only the one who planted and there remains another who will come water and yet another who will see the harvest. I am old enough now---through my long obedience to trust that my part is really but one, small part. As a wise man once said, “We are but the light bulb and our real job know is to just stay screwed in.” I like that and it makes sense.This sacred salad serves as a moment in time for me to see; to have and to enjoy a true respite on the journey. I can still taste this sacred salad. Can you? 

Why Resolutions are Important and Needed!

Resolutions are like anchors for a ship.  The anchors are used to prevent a ship from crashing into dangerous reefs and obstacles.  They are instruments providing safety and security.  Making resolutions for the New Year can become anchoring statements--words of absolute resolve--palpitations of your inner desires--spoken, made public and concise.When I look back on my life--almost every good thing that has happened to me, has resulted of formulating these anchor resolutions.  Once I resolved to buy a "little cabin the the woods."  When we did buy the cabin tucked in the North Carolina mountains--that cabin became the respite my soul was literally dying for--it also became the prototype for Potter's Inn--as we know it today.  I made other resolutions in years past about my weight; my fractured relationships and my marriage.  Some have become so life transforming that I now shutter to think of what my life would have become--had I not found anchor resolutions to give me hope, resolve and a clear way to move through choppy seas and seasons of my life.  They became for me, more than something I was tethered to. Rather, my resolutions became guiding strands which gave me light in the midst of stormy times and a way to walk through whatever chaos I was finding myself in at that moment.People drift. People crash and people sink.   I've done all three of this---or should I say, I've run onto dry ground; my boat has taken on massive water and I have been in despair. To prevent the unthinkable for us, work on some simple statements which will give you a course to follow; safety from drifting off course and protection from sinking.Here are 6 resolutions you might want to consider working with---making them your own as your move into the New Year. 

1.  Do something about forgiveness.  For most of us there are remnants of messy, broken and severed relationships.  The lack of forgiveness can take root in us causing us inner stress, mental anguish and relational isolation.  Who is the one person you want to move towards to forgive?  How can you do extend forgiveness.
2. Do something about your pace of life and stress level.  Most of us feel victims to our clocks and calendars. We resign to surviving as if we can do nothing about the running on empty feeling we experience.  By choosing to move more slowly---how can you resolve to do this:  give intervals between meetings; allow yourself grace time on each side of your commute rather than giving the bare minimum.  The real question I've found that most of us rarely ask ourselves is this: What can I do today that will be life giving.
3. Give yourself self-compassion.  For those of us in caring professions, we care  for others without giving care to ourselves.  For business leaders, navigating the whitewater of money, success and the fear of going under---what would self-compassion look like?  For the pastor and missionary; counselor and teacher---what can you do each week to give yourself mercy, grace and love?  Remember this, those who give must be given to....
4. Pay attention to your Spiritual Life.  The spiritual life is not a program to be managed. It is an organic, wide-open journey where we become awake, aware and active in our walk with God . What can you do to attempt to wake up and walk more aware this year?
5. Embracing the care of your body.  Our bodies are the address of our soul. The care of our soul is directly linked to the care of our body.  Rather than set big, unattainable, unrealistic and unachievable goals, mark a path where you can realize a movement in your body care like this:  Rather than make a "D" in my body care, I want to achieve a "B".  Only a few of us will ever get an "A" here. I'm certainly not one of those. But making a "B" is to live with this:  I feel good about how I am treating my body.  Good is better than poor.
6. Unplug from technology.  I've found in working with leaders in the marketplace and ministry that being wired has become the #1 threat to their resilience. They are slaved; tethered to little machines. Make a resolution to unplug on day a week.  Here's a link to help with this offered through our ministry, Potter's Inn:  Get the UNPLUG Challenge here!

 Let me take this final opportunity to thank those of you who have stood with Gwen and me this past year in the support of Potter's Inn.  Potter's Inn for many, has become an anchor ministry for many around the world.  Your gifts and support make this anchor to happen for people.  It's been a year of expansion and our margins have run thin.  But by your help, we will finish this year strong and in the black--ready to offer an anchor to many who are tossed about on the stormy seas of life.  May God bless us!  May God hold us!  May God have mercy upon us all!Happy New Year---and may this be so! Steve

Two Kinds of People

There are two kinds of people in the world:Those who love golf and those who hate it. If you are in the latter camp, you probably agree with Mark Twain's assessment that "golf is a good walk spoiled."But no matter which side you're on, golf has some practical lessons that can help us in our spiritual lives. (I know, that may sound crazy, but stick with me for just a minute and I'll explain.)You could hit the ball around the golf course with some friends once a year and have fun (or be completely frustrated!). But, like most sports, increasing your skill level in golf requires deliberate practice. Notice there that I said "deliberate" practice.We need deliberate practice.Being deliberate is important. Here's why. One of my sons is a golf pro. Let's say a beginning golfer comes to my son and demonstrates her swing. He notices that she is slicing the ball every time she hits the ball because she's lifting her head up. If she continues to practice in this way without making the necessary adjustments to correct her swing, then she'll build muscle memory that will ingrain this bad habit. And she'll never improve her swing. Her experience on the golf course will always be frustrating as she continues to hit the ball off target.However, by making the necessary tweaks to her stance, grip, follow-through, etc. my son is able to show her how to fix her swing so she can hit the ball properly. When she puts all those pieces together and then deliberately practices them, she gets better results - more power, better accuracy.Practicing the wrong things doesn't help.It just ingrains faulty skills. But once the golfer know the right way and deliberately practices the right things, she can improve. And that improvement makes her experience of golfing much more enjoyable than looking for her ball in the rough.So, how does this apply to our spiritual lives?If you are feeling stressed, anxious, or burnt out, there's likely something going on in your soul that is out of whack. Perhaps you are living what I call the High Octane Life. You feel constantly distracted and you're always moving in fifth gear. To find out more about the symptoms of the High Octane Life, watch this video where I describe the effects of this out-of-control lifestyle.Recognizing the negative impact of the High Octane Life is one thing, but understanding what to do about it is another. We need practices that will help us deal with the effects of the High Octane Life. But we need the right practices.[tweetthis]For many of us, it's been ingrained to just pray more, to go to church more, to serve more, or to join another Bible study. The list of doing more in our Christian lives seems to go on and on.[/tweetthis] And while all those things are good things in and of themselves, these may be the wrong practices for you right now.Notice that I'm not saying these are bad practices. But adding more of these practices probably isn't going to help you make the necessary adjustments to your life. (Remember our golf analogy - practicing the wrong things doesn't help.)If you are wondering why you are constantly running on empty and not experiencing the joy of the abundant life that Jesus promised, I suspect that maybe you are practicing the wrong things.Perhaps what you need aren't more practices that focus on doing more, but rather practices that focus more on being.Fortunately, there are just such practices. While they may not be as familiar to us as Bible study, prayer, and fellowship, these are in fact ancient practices passed down through the church by wise fathers and mothers of the faith. And deliberately practicing them can help us experience more of the joy of our salvation.So what are these practices that focus more on being?In today's video, I explain for you four of these ancient practices and some practical ways you can cultivate them in your life.In addition to the video, I've also created for you a Resource Guide which you can download as a PDF. This Resource Guide will not only help you retain the contents of the video better, but it also has some extra resources that you'll find helpful as you set up these deliberate spiritual practices in your life.Download the Resource Guide and watch today's video here.Click here to view the video and to download the teaching notes!I'll be back early next week with one more video for you, plus a special opportunity to go deeper.In the meantime, I hope you enjoy the video. Feel free to share it and the resource guide with anyone you think would find it helpful.With you on the journey,Steve Smith