“You’re blessed when you are at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.”—Jesus in Matthew 5:3, Message
Most every person I know needs to dismantle their emotional programming for what it means to be happy in life. We are hard-wired to think that happiness and joy come by chasing the outer markers of success in life: a bigger house, a nicer car, a new toy. I explore this in Inside Job, my new book. We believe a lie and we make a vow that determines how we will live our life and try and try to be happy.Jesus turned this kind of thinking up on it’s head. To be happy—to be blessed—requires a total shift in our paradigm of how we view life. He offered us a paradigm shift in what is called the “Beatitudes.” These statements found in Matthew 5:3-14, are short, pithy and life-altering guidelines which help us not only dismantle our hard-wiring we’ve acquired through culture, church and family, but they help us really see how happiness is cultivated in our lives.In our Sabbatical, Gwen and I have come, face to face, with these statements--these beatitudes. Let me share one here: “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.” The Message jolts us to our core and says it this way, “You’re blessed when you are at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.”Blessing and happiness come by our emptying ourselves and having to rely on God in a complete and resolved kind of way. It’s when we are so vulnerable; so power-less; so weak and so empty that there is room for God to do his work. Our poverty is exchanged for his blessing. On our own, some of us try to out work and out wit God.We live as Parker Palmer has aptly coined it: functional atheism. We say believe in God and trust God, yet we live in a manic pace, stripping our souls and running our lives on empty. I had to come face-to-face with this humbling realization in our sabbatical--yet, again. We live as if our life, our work and our relationships are totally up to us. We, the, “functional atheist” of the 21st century, have soul work to do. We’d never admit it but we are more functional atheist than experiencing a faith with sustains, nurtures and shows us how to live with resilience . We live and function as if we are the ones having to push the proverbial boulder up another hill—yet again.Poverty in soul, for me meant that I had to accept let go of my grip on my work--and get out of its grip on me, my ministry and my staff. This acceptance--this consent is my daily work--my daily job. This letting go was a relinquishment of power and control. It required me confessing that I find my satisfaction in work--and not in God is not a good thing for me or anyone else around me. It is a shift towards poverty of soul for me. At times during sabbatical, I was anxious that Potter’s Inn might fail; fall apart or even die. We feel so fragile due to raising our support. Our helplessness actually fostered a deep sense of well-being---why? Because it meant letting go. Poverty of spirit meant a handing over to God all that I simply could not do and should not do.God works in us is to foster, nourish and grow a sense of contentment, inner-serenity and shalom that we live with the awareness that simply says this: No matter what my circumstances; no matter how hard this particular time is in my life; no matter how powerless I feel right now, 'All is well in my life and all will be well around me'. True contentment, my friends, is an Inside Job. In sabbatical, I left my work but I had to do my inside job.It is NOT up to me. I relinquish my efforts to be God—to be everywhere at once and to do multiple things that have stripped my soul bear and left me so empty inside. The great work of God is more than planting churches; more than sharing the Gospel; more than teaching. The great work awaiting each one of us the work of our inside job. God truly does desire our well-being. Sit with that thought for a moment and see where it might take you. What if you took a moment today and sat in your emptiness and weakness—feeling depleted and truly at the end of your rope and experienced the hands of God doing one thing: holding you. That’s it—just let yourself be held for a quiet moment. To sit, rather than DO something is an act of submission--and act of letting go--an act of well-being. Hey, I'm all for action, but even action must have it's seasons, right?In the beginning of our time “off” we felt like we truly were at the end of our rope. We were tired, worn out and experiencing some degree of burn out. So many years of pioneering and work had depleted us. A poverty within is what we had to face. As we faced our own spiritual poverty and admitted it and also confessed it—finally—we were brought low to a place of inner desperation and longing. “God, I don’t feel like I can go on. I can’t retire financially. But I’m at the end. Please God, do something. I let go now. It's time for you to do the thing that you must love to do--transform me and people like me."In that kind of confession, it seemed to have ushered us both into a journey of renewal.
Welcoming Myself Back to Work
Never have I found a more appropriate prayer for my first day back to work after a long sabbatical than the Welcome Prayer by Father Thomas Keating. At the first reading, you might be tempted to say, "What a nice prayer." And then move on. But Gwen and I have sat with this prayer on an intentional basis for the past few months. We have attempted to excavate the meaning and suck the marrow out of each phrase and sentence.It is rich. It is deep and it is transformational.Here it is:The Welcoming Prayer (by Father Thomas Keating)Welcome, welcome, welcome.I welcome everything that comes to me todaybecause I know it's for my healing.I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons,situations, and conditions.I let go of my desire for power and control.I let go of my desire for affection, esteem,approval and pleasure.I let go of my desire for survival and security.I let go of my desire to change any situation,condition, person or myself.I open to the love and presence of God andGod's action within. Amen.To Welcome this day, our first day back to work means to enter this with no regret, apprehension or fear. It, the first day, the first week and the first season is for me. It is for my good. It is not for my demise.For my healing... returning to my work is also a part of my healing and transformation as much as our season of rest has been. Now, I can live out of the fruit of what has been gathered. I can also begin to integrate these precious truths into my work--not just my time off.The Welcoming of all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations and conditions---means for me, that I believe in a God that is good and is not ought to bring me down or to step back and watch my life spin out of control. God is vested in the process of everyday encounters.I let go--much of my work over sabbatical has been right here. To learn how to let go and to release things, people, my past and my future into the hands of God. Knowing that I cannot control these things helps me to learn to loosen my grip. The three sentences in the prayer that speak of "letting go" really are the three temptations of Jesus: the temptation for power; the temptation for approval; the temptation for security. I, too, will work through these temptations as I work--and being tempted to lean into each of these areas to find love, approval and security. To let go--is my daily business.I open myself---believing in a God who is good and who loves me allows me to become open. I open myself to the love and goodness of God. It is my intention to live each day in this posture and I consent to my participation of the work of my transformation.I posted this book on Facebook recently and got many "likes." Now, I regret doing it. I don't think this prayer or perhaps any prayer can simply be liked. The Welcome Prayer undoes us. I truly believe that this prayer can't be just read and put down. It will mess with you. It has with me. And isn't this, perhaps, the greatest purpose of prayer?
Shedding Old Skin
My problem with our sabbatical being over is that I’m not ready for it to be over. Things have not jelled. I need more time to process some things. I’ve not read all I want to read. I’ve not had the time (believe it or not) to think about some things and get them in concrete. I wish we would have taken longer. Perhaps I needed two more months for things to jell in my soul.John Climacus wrote in the 7th century, “A snake can shed its old skin only if it crawls into a tight hole.” Sabbatical has given me a tight hole in which I've been able to shed some things, find some things and experience some things. It's been rich and rewarding. But here's the deal: I still have old skin on me and in me. Despite my best efforts and intents, I want to come out of this sabbatical time: clean, new and different.With just a few days remaining on Sabbatical, I now know I’m going to walk with a limp. I’m going to still struggle. I’m going to disappoint many of you and my family cause one would think: You should be different given this time!Illusions of being different are born in the waters of baptism. We long to be more than we are. We want to become different than how we see ourselves. We think it's a whole new world when we start out on the spiritual journey. But on the journey we find we carry with us a lot of stuff in our suitcases that never seems to get unpacked and cleaned out. Call it snake skin, graveclothes, habits or addictions--there are some things that just seem like we struggle with--perhaps till we die. Sabbatical has been a time of stripping down my own suitcase and throwing off and away that which simply does not work anymore. Carrying baggage can be so tiring. I’ve found not much dies in those waters of baptism. Demons breathe underwater despite our best efforts to get rid of them. That’s how I feel about re-entry. Not all my demons have died--despite my best efforts to drown them.I’m 60 years old for crying out loud. I thought I’d be done with some stuff by now. Will I still wrestle with the demons of drivenness; performance and pleasing others? Would I not really be better off by doing this…or doing that?One of my grandchildren is almost ready to be potty trained. Being potty trained is all the talk now when we Skype. I can understand my grandson's dilemma. Something has just got to give and change. I’m “almost” ready for a new phase of life myself but somehow when I look down, I feel all messy. It’s not clean. I need someone to help me.Before we even started our sabbatical, we scheduled a re-entry retreat. It begins tonight. So, I'll be able to have some great conversations with a sage like saint whom I've grown to trust. This person, in so many ways is my pastor, my soul friend, my companion but just a head of me a bit--or a lot--depending on what day it is.So, this week, we are leaning into the wisdom of my spiritual director (someone older, wiser and more potty trained than I am). We begin this final act of transition. I want to explore what is for me in my sabbatical and what is for our team. What is for my family. What needs to remain private. Who knows, maybe after my third day with my spiritual director I will have shed my old skin once and for all.
The Advantage of Leaving
In our thinking today, many of us have erroneously formed the idea that we must always be present, always be on and always be available. While machines, technology and wi-fi can perhaps deliver on those illusions, human beings cannot.Created in the image of God who ceased from work one, full day per week and did not engage in the business of creativity on that day off, we learn we all have an imprinted space in the human soul that is truly God-like. This realization can awaken to the fact that we are not machines. It is a saving epiphany that I needed in my life. It feels like another salvation to see life this way now. Like God, we can be off. And when we are off, we are more like God than than when we are on and engaged all the time. If we choose to work all the time we fashion ourselves to be MORE than God. Perhaps in our efforts, we secretly want to be God.Every single time we choose to dis-engage from our work, we honor this holy space within us and we honor ourselves as image bearers of the God who created us to NOT: always be on; always be available and always be doing something. We do not always have to and need to be available. In fact, when we embrace the realization to be off, away and can vacate our work spaces ---both inside our head and by withdrawing from our work, we become more like God than when we choose to work all the time.Americans embrace a false assumption that the hallmark of life in almost every form of work and life is to present to our work no matter what form our work takes us. Work then can become toxic because there is no margin. There are no limits. Life becomes sick because we need time off and away to do what the Quakers said, “to come down where we OUGHT to be.” The Quakers continue their manifesto in song by saying, “THEN (and only then) we will leave in a valley of peace and delight.” Where there is no stopping of work, there is no peace and delight. Whatever peace there is--always grows thin until we live like God intended.This has been my major neurosis that I have had to face in my personality and the wake of how that kind of lifestyle washes over family, friends, colleagues, church and the workplace. It is now the leading neurosis that I face in my work with leaders across the world and who plow the fields in business or ministry. Sadly, there is absolutely no difference in the malaise in the souls of leaders no matter where they work.Believing that our value, esteem and merit comes through work sets us up for implosions resulting in inner addiction and outer chaos. While celebrated for all of our efforts, most people like me face inner demons which haunts us saying, “You’ve not done enough. “ “Do something spectacular.” “Do something to prove yourself.” This kind of jeering is, in fact the exact same kind of mental anguish that faced Jesus in the Temptation. He, like we are still tempted to prove ourselves, seek security and grasp and hoard power. Goodness! Will we ever learn?Our sabbatical was a planned method for me to practice detachment. It was a prescribed rhythm for me to let go. In fact my own spiritual director told me, "Steve, your sabbatical is the time for you to practice retiring." I found that so interesting to be told this and I practiced my sabbatical in way I have found most working men and women never will and never do. I needed to let go of my work in order to be gripped by something even bigger than my work. And herein lies the dilemma: most people do not know that there is anything bigger in the world or universe than their work and their accomplishments. Time off always shows you the bigger story and the larger picture we live in, friends.Believing and living in this illusions sets us up to believe three lies:1. To be present is always better than being absent. Every caring person I know struggles here. We feel the need to always return every call; every email; visit the needy and care for everyone at the expense of ourselves. We will care—but we will not be "care-ful" with ourselves. Having no self-compassion, we implode and we implode because caring is a needed and necessary exchange. When we care for others, we must REALLY embrace how to care for ourselves. Sabbatical, vacation and time off is a needed and necessary exhange. When we do it, we always feel better and then start giving back in a healthy cycle not a sick neurosis.2. We adopt the belief that our own value is based on our efforts. We feel the need to always be on; always be checking if we are needed. Trust in others is eroded and a false sense of self-importance lies rooted deep in the soul. We think that action is better than reflection. We believe that outer deeds are more honoring than self-compassion. We hold to the notion that we are celebrated when we are human doings, not human beings.3. We foster a conviction that says to be present and available is always better than not being available. The 24/7 value of being “on” makes those of us who want to be off—feel guilty and feel blankets in shame, blame and guilt.Sabbatical was a season of de-bunking these lies; practicing how to withdraw and start living a life that was more life-giving than life draining. Most of all Sabbatical was my intentional CHOICE to heed the very words of Jesus when he said, “It is to your ADVANTAGE that I go away.” (John 16:7,13). He knew that if he were to go away, then a Greater Power would come upon his followers and in his movement. It was necessary that he go away and it was even more, to the advantage of everyone that he go away.The advantage followers get when the leader goes away is of inestimable value and worth. Again, when a leader goes away, it calls for a different and necessary season. In my case, it called my staff up and they have excelled in their work and in every single area of my work, everything has grown, improved and is in fact more stable. It is remarkable. Sabbatical is the season of practicing a much needed withdrawal and detachment that brings life; fillets fear open by making you face the question, “What are you really afraid of that keeps you staying engaged?” I'm so impressed with our staff. It is truly remarkable the empowerment they have all experienced. It's humbling and helps me realize my small place in the world rather than foster another illusion that I have to be on to make this work--to make everything work. Sabbatical,vacation and time off is empowering.So dear friends and readers, by choosing your vacation and planning to dis-engage, you will be more like God than by choosing to remain, staying engaged. By taking a sort of sabbatical from your iphone, Facebook and social media, you can fast from such a state of being wired to being really on with yourself and your family. It really is not that hard to practice being God-like. But it really does take courage to make this choice. For me, it came down to this: Do I have the courage to take time off that I know will be good for me? I answered this question with “Yes.” How will you answer the question?
The Gift of Bewilderment
“Only at the periphery of our lives, where we, and our understanding of God, are undone, can we understand bewilderment as an occasion for another way of knowing.” Belden Lane There is nothing like being the only one walking on a desolate beach in the cool dawn of morning and stumbling upon a beautiful, broken shell that speaks to you. Now of course you know that I don’t mean the shell said something, yet it was as if, it did. I couldn’t help but plunge into the wonder of its delicate markings that formed a spiraling circle, as if to be the very mapping of the journey my heart was on. I couldn’t help but go subterranean, that place deep inside where there is no vocabulary to articulate the feeling or what I knew to be true. I was in awe, speechless. So much was being said and I was listening intently. Pondering the beautiful and the brutal of what I was ushered into left me silent and still. I dared not move for fear of losing the very encounter that my heart always longs for.So how do I describe to you what it was like for me to encounter God through a shell? It was strangely sacred, like God and I have this private exchange about the realities that are too deep for human words, so paradoxical, the silent beautiful and brutal truths mingling together way down deep, with just God and me. At times like this a gnawing frustration burrows deep too. What do I do with these wordless ponderings? The painful emotions of grief and the soothing comfort of the salt air undo me. I’m left bewildered by my inexpressible soul.While being steeped in stillness for a while, God showed me something about myself and about himself. Frustration was coming from trying so hard not to be bewildered by the deep stirrings in my heart. I was actually trying to make common sense out of something holy. God assured me of the need for quite the opposite. My bewilderment is blessed and not to be boxed up and clearly identified. Bewilderment is, as Belden Lane expresses, “an occasion for another way of knowing God. “ To be undone by the ripping grief of death is an occasion for another way of knowing God. Consoled by the beauty of strolling on a lonely beach was an occasion for another way of knowing God. Listening to the loud silence of what a shell had to say was an occasion for another way of knowing God. I didn’t have to articulate and make it understandable. It was all it had to be.To articulate what is deeply spiritual isn’t always the right thing. I wonder if a lot of Christians talk incessantly, preach too long, and teach too much because to remain in mystery is too threatening to their stated faith. Perhaps, we thirst for more information about God than experiencing the mystery of God. To embrace the mystery of the unseen and indescribable is to experience a quiet peace that surpasses the need to explain or understand. And it is a sweet peace that is palpable.Sabbatical often ushered me into this bewildering place and I found myself glad and knowing that I can rest in bewilderment.
Our Sabbatical Journey Towards Poverty
During the first four weeks of our sabbatical—I think all that happened in me was a slow coming off the drug of work; the stimulus of my adrenalin and a steady withdrawal from being available. My brain was too tired; too vacant to read anything at all. I spent hours staring at the waves from a barrier island off the coast of North Carolina where we hunkered down. There I read the waves—not books. I couldn’t read words, listen to sermons or podcasts. It was too much…just way too much information coming at me. I had to stop and learn to listen and hear in a new way. Silence said more to me than at any other time in my life.But as I documented in my journal, I finally wanted to read in week three. And what I wanted to read was the Scripture. I needed ancient words to stick in my soul.Modern words can be so shallow sometimes. So I began to read Exodus—a fitting book because here I read about being in the wilderness and I found myself in one after so many long years of work. I skipped to Acts where I read about the movement of Jesus taking root in the heart and lives of the new found followers of Jesus. I found myself wanting what they wanted. I needed what they needed. I longed for the same things as many of the people found in that book: healing, purpose, companionship, forgiveness. The list goes on.Then, I landed upon the Beatitudes of Jesus—those short, life altering statements which throw a rod into the spokes of our fast moving life. They made me stop. They altered the trajectory of my life. The dismantled my programs for happiness. They undid me. Day after day, I read them, sat with them and marinated in them. They de-stabilized my efforts to be happy. They offered to me a whole new way of looking at life. And I suppose I was ready to breathe these paradigm shifting and life altering statements deep within me.The first one talks about being “Poor in Spirit” and the blessing that comes to us in such times of poverty. Yes, I was found in my own spiritual, emotional, mental and relational poverty. I had to lay down my efforts of knowing how God works. I was empty for explanation of any sorts to myself, to Gwen, to my family. I was needy—a beggar of sorts. Desperate for someone to give me my daily bread because all the bread I was making wasn’t satisfying my soul. To become poor is to become dependent on the care of others--like a beggar. A truly poor person becomes open to the receptivity of others--the generosity of a crumb--even a small token of love has a way of filling a poor person's heart and soul.I was helped here in becoming poor by the death of our fourth grandson. Losing something that you thought was so important has a way of bringing us to our knees. This happened to me. I felt bankrupt of feelings and wallowed in sorrow for our loss. I couldn’t not find words—even though I love words and use words and teach words and write words. I was wordless and still am in some respect. I feel poor in my ability to say what has happened in me.I got to see Tommy fifteen minutes after his birth. I held him. Gwen was able to be in the delivery room and witness his birth and passing into Heaven. When I went in, his body was already changing from pink to blue. As his body became blue, my soul became more blue. I held him and in a way, he held me. The picture you see is Tommy holding me—my finger—my soul. As this happened, I was saying “Hello, Tommy—welcome to this world. Good bye, Tommy, I will see you soon in Heaven.” It was way to brief; way to short; way to hard.What made my poverty even more of a loss for me to experience is that so many of my friends seemed to have remained quiet. I still don’t really know why that is. Maybe I have not understood the quietness of friendship yet. Perhaps, they assumed we would be surrounded. We were not. Perhaps ,they were afraid of saying the wrong thing. Perhaps, I live with illusions about what community looks like, feels like and tastes like. I also know that we are loved but in such a time as this for us, the quiet became so very loud and seemed to only reinforce our aloneness even more. We are so very grateful for the acts of love we did receive. They truly did assuage our soul. But let me just say it here: plain and simple. Nothing replaces the incarnational love of God in such a time as someone's flesh--someone's hug; someone's embrace. Nothing replaces that. It was for us, the loneliest time of our three scores of walking this planet and I never want to feel that sense of aloneness again in my life. Never. In this time, I read an article by the New York times columnist, David Brooks who hit the nail on the head in his most excellence piece, "The Art of Presence." Please do go back and read his true words. His words should become required reading for anyone who thinks of themselves as a caring, loving person.In the end, our sons and daughters rallied around us and in them and through them we found a solace we so, so needed and wanted. Grief is the robber of all joy and our grief was doubled in that Tommy's death was OUR grandson, not just any child; not just a statistic of chromosomes gone bad; not just another baby. Flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone leaving to become dust is such a loss. It is heartbreaking for any 26 year old couple to lose a child and enter into the death of innocence.It was not just Tommy's death. It was witnessing the utter devastation of our last born son and his beautiful wife. In many ways, this grief was, for us, harder than Tommy's death because in a way, our son and daughter both died that day---or a big part of them did. Our grief was doubled by this realization too!Grief and poverty---becoming poor in spirit became the key to unlock both of the hearts of Gwen and myself. Grief and poverty of soul forced us in ways, we did not even know we could, rely on the One who is Comfort indeed. And what we found is this: God's comfort really is real. God's love really is enough. My poverty leads to God's riches. Yet, we would not have chosen this key to unlock our frozen hearts. But through our grandson’s death and walking with our son and daughter in law, we were taken to the greatest season of neediness that we have ever experienced in our lives. We became raw. We became desperate. We became poor. And this poverty has now ushered us into such richness that we will try to explain in upcoming posts."Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Jesus in Matthew 5: 3"Your blessed when you are at the end of your rope. With less of you, there is more of God and his rule." Jesus in Matthew 5:3, Message
Thwarted!
It was finally time. The long awaited, desperately needed Sabbatical was now to be a reality. I felt like a runner in position, bent over the starting line ready to break lose as soon as the gun fired. Already I had heard “On your mark, get set…” . Waiting with baited breath to hear “GO”, I didn’t, I heard something else. Fear shouted loudly instead. Suddenly guilt coursed through my veins when just moments earlier it was desperate anticipation and excitement. The ‘GO” dwindled into a muffled whisper and all I could hear were the deafening shouts of fear, guilt and shame. My hope and joy for Rest, Renewal and Retooling fell dead in their tracks…thwarted!
Thus began my encounter with that which had me in such desperate need of Sabbatical in the first place. Fear has that subtle way of smearing its sticking film over everything. The latest layer of it settled on my heart when I realized that by choosing rest, I was choosing trust. My sabbatical would mean a relinquishing of my most important post; that post as a loving mother to my son and daughter in law who were weeks away from the birth of their son who they knew would die shortly after holding him in their longing arms. They needed me! Choosing rest would mean trusting God to care for them better than I could. Could I trust like that? Would I? The fear of being a ‘bad mom’ paralyzed me and quickly gave way to guilt. Guilt sucked the breath right out of me when I saw that I had a choice to make. Would I choose to put the oxygen mask on myself before trying to be the oxygen of all oxygen I thought my grieving kids needed? What if they got mad at me for leaving for a few weeks? What if they really needed me and I wasn’t there? What if…?? Fear to guilt to shame! Shame on me for being needy…and the beat goes on.These wicked triplets, fear, guilt and shame, disguised themselves to be the culprits that were proud to thwart, to hijack the divine plan that was provided and in place for my health and well being, for I really was in a desperate state. But, as is usually the case with chronic exhaustion, my guard was down, sound judgment was lacking. I was ready to blame anything or anybody for what was really my own choosing. I was too tired and worn to see that the very best way to help my children was to choose trust. The providential timing for Sabbatical was the first of many invitations that I courageously chose to accept. By choosing rest I stood with holy resolve in the deceitful faces of fear, guilt and shame and they had no power over me. My kids blessed me and sent me to the One who had open arms outstretched for me, trusting that He would return me to them with my open arms outstretched and ready to hold their broken hearts. And I did.Proverbs 3:21-24 Guard sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight…then you will go on your way in safety and your foot will not stumble; when you lie down you will not be afraid.
Our Sabbatical Journey:
During the next 30 days or so, both Gwen and I want to process our Sabbatical journey with you here in this blog. It is really a way of organizing our thoughts around what has happened in us and to us in the past season of this season of being off. Bear with us as we both try to find words to express a shifting in the tectonic plates of our souls. It really does feel as if some major shifting has happened. We've regained a new perspective. We both feel renewed. We have rested, studied, read books and received wise counsel. All of this has helped us re-kindle the flame within---yes, re-kindle. That's the word. Re-kindled with God; with our own souls and with each other. It's been a rich and rewarding time despite walking through the shadow of death to release our grandson into the arms of heaven and taking another son down the aisle to be married. We've had highs and lows and most of all, we've had the time to process our journey by both looking back and looking within. We've looked up; press forward and renewed our love of life, God and each other.A sabbatical literally means “a time of ceasing.” It is like a vacation in that you literally are “vacating” your work but it is extended. A sabbatical is a season to do three things: rest, renew and re-tool. We did all three of these necessary movements and the benefits feel rich and rewarding. We said tonight over dinner that we would not change a thing in our sabbatical. We'll tell you more over the next month.I read, just this week, that only 42% of Americans take all of their allotted time off from work. For us, we were in that people group who seemed to never take the time we were given. This false arrogance all caught up with us. It always does. I felt like I was needed. I felt like I couldn't do what I was asking, coaching and telling other leaders to do. It massaged an inner sickness within me that caused demons, I long thought were asleep to wake up inside me. These demons were inner-addictions I thought I had long faced and walked away from. It was not the case.This costs us dearly. We had grown thin in our ability to care. We greatly underestimated the wear and tear to our own souls as we attempted to care for leaders in both the ministry and marketplace. It was as if my soul had a slow leak in it. Drip by drip, I felt my life flowing from me. By the fall of this past year, we knew we were in trouble. We needed to do what we needed to do. It was that simple. Since, we're not ready to retire, we both intuitively knew that if we were to finish the journey ahead...a necessary respite simply had to happen. And I would have to muster up the courage to take and extended time off. I would take a sabbatical. We'll both write more about the struggle and resolve to finally dig in and say we were going to do a sabbatical. Our choice to do so is one of the best decisions we have made in our journey thus far.The roots of a sabbatical are found in the Bible (Genesis 2:2-3; Lev. 25, Deut 5:12-15). Since the beginning of time, the Creator of this world knew that everyone and everything ought to cease from time to time because something happens in a season of ceasing that cannot and will not happen at any other time. Unless we learn to cease, we are setting ourselves up for dead-ends; burn out and flame outs. Even farmers allow a field to lie fallow for a season. They do this so that the field might be nurtured back to life by being dormant.
But this kind of thinking is almost extinct in the modern world. With this extinction we are now seeing the price we are all paying by always being on; always being available and always being wired 24/7. There is a high price to pay and many of us our mindlessly living our lives without taking into account the bankrupt nature of our souls. We live our lives on empty and have the audacity to call this life--the abundant life. The busy life is not the abundant life. Busy can be for a season, but not for more than a season.I see this error in living and thinking every day of my working life. And let me just tell you this one insight: When you burn out, it takes a long, long time to come back to life. You don’t burn out in one day. It’s a slow, steady leak in your soul that drains you. You run your life on empty and give left-overs to everyone and everything—including your self. I believe the thinness in so many leader's lives today is leading to a thinness and shallowness in our churches, in our books and in our songs. It's become dreadful to see how we are living and sharing our shallow lives on social media and more.Now, after having coached scores and scores of leaders in the marketplace and ministry to take a sabbatical, I finally took my own. It took me 40 years to muster the courage; face myself in the mirror and confess: “Steve, you are bone tired and you’re not going to make it to the end of your vocational journey unless you stop, cease and renew yourself.” Each word in that sentence is important and one you might think to underline and sit with.Is this the case for you?I took a entire 2 years to plan our sabbatical. I read everything there was in print and sadly found most of it shallow, hallow and worthless. A few lone voices in the wilderness became like prophets to me and Gwen calling us “This way—take this path and you’ll recover your life.” We listened to their voice. Heeded their advice and planned a four month season—equal to ¼ of a calendar year to be “off.”Questions to Consider:What would being “off” really look like? Where would you go? Who would you want to go with? What would you do? What would you do?
Our Sabbatical Journey: Insights on the Road Back to Life
Friends, I"m excited to share that both Gwen and I will be blogging soon about our Sabbatical Journey. As many of you know, we've unplugged, gone under the radar and not worked at Potter's Inn for five months. Fifteen years of pioneering Potter's Inn; giving and giving; caring for the souls of so very many leaders across the world left us tired, worn out and weary. Let me just spill the beans... our sabbatical has exceeded our hopes and expectations in every way. Despite witnessing our grandson dying and consumed with grief in our sabbatical time; despite the marriage of our third son, Cameron--and the addition of Lindsey whom we love already; despite knowing the fragility of raising our support and the thinness of finances at Potter's Inn--we felt called and compelled to take the time we've written about; taught about; coached so many folks across the world to do what we had NEVER done for ourselves----we took a Sabbatical.Both Gwen and I will be sharing our insights, lessons, take-a-ways and on-going questions and nagging fears about re-entry. I'm excited because Gwen has finally said "Yes" to documenting her own journey and pulling back the curtain--so to speak so you can witness her own journey and in her own words. I'll be sharing my road back to health in losing 60 pounds and watching my blood pressure drop significantly. I'll be sharing what I did and how I did it. It's been the biggest paradigm shift I've ever made thus far in my life. With the help of my medical doctor, now turned coach, friend and colleague in our teaching at Potter's Inn, we will both be blogging about the maze of un-doing habits, thinking and addictions and having our minds transformed about how we are now looking at food. I'm afraid for decades, I lived to eat---and now I am eating to live!Living in a world where we live 24/7 being "on", wired to the max and always available, we will both share why we stopped doing "social media" and insights we gained from our technology fast. The blog will be rich with insights we WANT to share and it is our hope that our own journey might benefit you in some, life giving way.Spiritually, renewal has come. A stream has come to the desert and we are rejoicing. We'll be sharing the significant books we've read that have nursed us to life and sustained us with courage for the next leg of our journey.In late May, Gwen and I will be doing our own "Re-entry Retreat" with a wise sage who will guide us to re-enter our life and work with all we've learned in these good yet hard months.You'll need to subscribe to the blog as it will be a DAILY update from Monday-Friday and will be replacing the Food for the Soul Daily Devotion for the month of June and perhaps a bit beyond. We'll see how it goes; how you're enjoying it and what your feedback is for us. So please do leave us comments.If you are subscribed and are already receiving FOOD For The Soul--the daily devotional I send out of my writings, no need to worry. You'll receive a link each Monday-Friday which will direct you to the blog.Take a moment and ask some friends to join you on our Sabbatical Journey and consider our journey as a place to have your discussions about your longings, desires and yearnings in your heart for your own life.This new way of sharing through this blog will begin mid-May. Be on the look for it and share it on your own streams of Social Media! We'd be so grateful.Every blessing,Steve and Gwen